Re: Response to Joan - week 6

Joan,

You're right -- when people see two women having lunch together, no one does a "double take" and whether consciously or subconsciously I feel that some people do when they see two men "out and about" together. Is it that we stereotype men unless their in a group and having a "business meeting", that's okay, but just two men privately having a lunch appointment, some people automatically think that they are gay. It's a mindset that people need to make an effort to either say, if they are it's okay and if they aren't and just wanting "male bond", that's okay, too! Don't you think?

Re: response to Taryn - week 6

Taryn,

You know I never really thought about it. Whenever my children cries it bothers me and I mean now (ages, 28, 26, 20). When my son (20) cries, we recently had to put down our cat, he cried (badly), along with me and I think if he didn't I would have been surprised. I've seen my ex cry when his parents died, and my dad when he lost his brother. So I guess my answer is, no it doesn't bother me to see men cry.

As far as sport casters (male or female), if they seem knowledgeable it wouldn't matter to me. Do I think that my age plays a factor in my thinking, no I don't think so. Because usually more "mature" (age-wise) people have the potential to stigmatized about men and tears and male and female sport casters, yeah I do. I guess it depends on the individual. So, my answer, there's no wrong or right answer - it's just what you do think.

Eureka Moment - 6

So, with the economy, such as it is, my eldest daughter got "rif(ed) (laid off) from her teaching position. She has a 15 month old in child care. She was very upset, 1 month and 1 day shy of being tenured.

All public schools are laying off personnel, my school as well.... Here is my "gender" eureka moment.

My little grand-daughter is a handful - adorable, but a handful. A while back my daughter told me that she was going to wait awhile before trying to have another child, because of her little demanding one. Well, her husband has this "brilliant" idea that since she doesn't have a job, she should have another baby. Let's see looking for a job, staying home and taking care of her daughter and being pregnant. Doesn't that fall under the "barefoot and pregnant cliche". Because my daughter is temporarily out of work, she should get pregnant? I gave her my opinion and but of course, said she should do what she wants to do (I wanted to say not what your husband wants you to do - but didn't).

Having a family should be a joint decision, and not based on being in or out of work, and what about affording another child? What's with that? What do you guys think?

response to heather

You are right some of those seminars are to make us conscious of not stereotyping gender roles. My problem was that these ESL teachers were selecting books for children who are learning the English language by level and by the gender of the child; when the goal should be can this child read this book, not is it about a girlie thing for a boy.

Response to Tonya's Eureka Moment

Tonya,

I am definitely older than you (probably your mother's age), I just think that it's common courtesy if you get to a door first to open it whether you are doing it for a woman or man. That man, in my opinion, should have minded his own business!

Response to Tiffany - Week 5

Tiffany,

You have a perfect right to be "ticked off". First off all, even if you were his fiance, he still didn't have a right to tell that guy to "back off". If you were engaged or even married you are "owned" by a person and not allowed to have a conversation? I can see him being jealous if the guy was flirting and coming on to you and even if that was the case, it would have been up to YOU to say, back off. In my opinion, please understand that I am a mother of a married and also an engaged daughters. My engaged daughter (the one who was living with the guy)is no slouch (not that you are), but believe me, he would NEVER do anything like that to her. He might say something privately to her like, he felt uncomfortable about the conversation between she and the guy, if that. Because if you are truly involved with someone, there has to be trust, not ownership in a relationship. Tiffany, if I were you, I'd find someone who was deserving to be your boyfriend, not someone who's just giving you "lip service".

Good luck.

Robin

Response to Taryn - Week 5

Taryn,

This is ironic, I was having a similar conversation with my son about this issue, just a few days' ago. He is almost 21 (which is scary in itself). We started talking about him starting to "legally drink" and the responsible that comes with reaching this age. Even though 18 is the legal age for some things in this state. Once you turn 21 and do something illegal or whayou you might think is just dumb - you can legally be in BIG trouble once you are 21. This is how the conversation started. He has a girlfriend, (more of a friend). So, I gave him this scenario. "Let's say you get romantically involved with Allie and she gets pregnant, what would you do?" Now we are not overly religious in our faith and my children know that I would give advice, but ultimately have them make their own decisions and choices. So, my son's response was simply, "I would marry her and she'd have the baby." With this, I played "devil's advocate" and said, What if she didn't want to marry you or have the baby, what would you do?" This was a mute point because he felt that they were so close as friends that they would be able to work things out and come to a joint solution. Which is what I would hope he would do. I think that is the best way to deal with this situation. Is it ultimately the woman's choice, legally, I think so, it is her body and if I'm not mistaken up to a certain time is allowed to have an abortion even without parental consent, let alone the alleged father's consent which is an issue in itself. Unless he gets a court order to claim paternity, how does he know that the child is actually his to say you can't have an abortion. This is a unclear topic. Like I said, two people should discuss and decide what is best for all in the situation. Anyway, that's my opinion.

Eureka Moment - 5

So, I'm at work on Friday. As I mentioned before, at a K through 5 public school in Princeton. I'm helping out in a classroom with 3 ESL teachers (no students were present at the time). They were making up canvas bags for their students with books they had purchased. Some of the students come from homes that neither of the parents speak English and are on a limited income to provide reading books for their children. Now that's some background on the situation.

Here's the Eureka moment; they would picking out the books, and the color/style of the canvas bag, based on the gender of the student. They of course were keeping in mind, the reading level of the student. But, I kept hearing statements like; oh that's too "girlish" for Jose or "Junie B. Jones isn't a good for Juan because it's about a girl. What's with that? I didn't expect this from these teachers, I don't even think they realized they were making these types of statements.

I think this happens in a lot classrooms with the teachers subconsciously having pre-conceived thoughts regarding gender and gender roles. As educators, we are required to take workshops and seminars pertaining to this exact subject.

So, my question is with all the knowledge that we have as educators, what does it still happen, now?

Response to Teandra - Week 4

I feel like it depends on the situation. I have three children, with three different "back to work" scenarios - none were the best, nor the worse. My first child was born when I was married for less than two years and it was always decided (not entirely my decision) that I would go back to work (not my prior full-time job because we couldn't afford child care, essentially my job would cancel that out). So when my daughter was six weeks' old, I got a job from 4 - 8 p.m., four days a week, after a full day of being with her, my mother would come and be with my daughter (most of which I arranged during her nap time). I was exhausted from the day, I had to make sure that when my husband came home at six, he had dinner, and everything was virtually set up for my daughter, if she was awake. After six months, I got a job during the day from 9a.m. to 1 p.m., and I brought my daughter to my mother-in-law's. These were okay situations, not the best; but my child was not being watched by a "stranger" and I was able to financially contribute to the family.

My first two children are 2 years 5 months apart. The scenario with my second child was better. After a year, similar to one of the situations you mentioned. I wanted some adult contact with two young children at home. So, I got a job on Sundays from 9 - 1, and my husband watched the girls. Did I think he did "the job" as well as I did - probably not, but he was their father and he was there and I was at work, that's it, whatever decisions he made with the children when he was in charge was his decision. My third child was born after 5 years after my second, and I have posted my child care "dilemma" regarding the child care decision I made with him. Is there a the perfect scenario, I don't think so. Sometimes, "ya gotta do, what you gotta do", and other times, it's your choice and that's okay, too. My thoughts are if it works for you - then that's the best. As far as, that father taking care of his baby, you got two choices, work or take care of the baby - when you give up the option to be at home, you must defer to the person you leave in charge - that's my opinion.

response to Joan's Eureka Moment - Week 4

Joan,

My eldest daughter graduated and received her Masters in Special Education a couple of years'ago. I think she was even planning her wedding while she was in school. She met her "husband to be" through a friend at college. She had also received her degree in teaching (she didn't go on for a Masters), she opted to marry after graduating with her B.A.

Unfortunately during the time my daughter attended college, I was unable to "put" my daughter through college and took out loans, but she started teaching; while teaching and planning a wedding went for her Masters (got a raise in salary upon receiving it). Her (now) sister-in-law (the friend) as I said got her teaching certificate, her parents paid for her entire schooling (out of their own pockets) and what does she do - you ask? Never even tried to get a teaching position, married and moved to Pittsburgh and has been working at Sam's Club ever since. Her husband saw no need for her to pursue a teaching position! Isn't that a kick in the "you know what"?

Robin

Robin's Eureka Moment - 4

Now - this is not a current Eureka moment - but taking this class - made me think of "gender-type" moments and I've discussed this issue before - to get people's opinions. So here goes......

A number of years back - I work as a lead teacher at a local child care center. Unfortunately, like many child care centers, because the pay is not very good, "it's a revolving door" regarding staff. I was committed for the school year, but unfortunately, I went through a number of assistants throughout the ten months I was there.

At the center, we were "required" to take a one hour lunch break whether we wanted to or not (unpaid, btw), and at times, the assistants had to "break" other rooms. Okay, here comes the gender "glich". In the center, there is two infant room (babies 3 mos. to about 1 year). So, the assistants took turns breaking the two infants room workers for their breaks. No leads, just assistants - well at the center, there were predominately female workers - two guys worked there, one lead (a four year old teacher - unusual - but I had no problem with it) and one male 20 year old assistant - my assistant in the other 4 year classroom. So when it came time form my room's assistant to break the infant room staff, I was pulled because the (not states, rules) rule were that no guys were allowed to break the infant staff. They would have to change diapers and be near an infant's private area -- guys couldn't be in the room for breaks. Does that mean that only guys could be molesters - no one would think twice about putting a female in there. We were all finger-printed because you have to be when you work with children -- so there were no "crimminals" there - so what's the deal? What do you guys think? P.S. I did break that infant room a couple of times, until I went to the director and explained that was my planning time - so they just took my room out of the rotation! Solved the problem -- I don't think so????

Response to Taryn's Eureka Moment - Week 4

Taryn,

I do understand your point. Yes, there's is a BUT. I know that you are probably not in a situation to become a parent. But believe it or not, people are putting off having babies especially these days, because they can't afford even though they want a child (and with some people "time" is an issues). My daughter had a baby last year; and it was difficult for her to put her baby into child care at six weeks because she could not afford to be with her child any longer because she would not be compensated and had to return to work. I had to leave my son in a child care center at 18 months and it was difficult. Just to let you know that I was teaching at that same center in another room (the only way, I could work and have child care - my son went tuition free) and it was still hard. I feel that it's a good thing that mothers and fathers get 12 weeks paid maternity/paternity leave. Do you realize that means leaving your child when he/she is just 3 months' old? I would see 3 month olds at the center and think, how can these parents leave their children at such a young age? So, Taryn -- sorry I don't agree with you. By the way, this is something that the State of NJ has promoted - not just your corporation.

Robin

Response to Taran's Week 3 Eureka Moment

Taran,

I think your gut reaction was perfectly normal - was like an "uh oh moment" which is completely understandable. Please take my following comments as just "food for thought". Do you think that at a family graduation party it was appropriate for your aunt to display her tatoo in that manner? If it was on her leg, arm, not a problem - and by no means do I consider myself a "prude" - but first of all, weren't there guys present? Is this something to do at this type of event in mixed company? Different circumstances - more informal setting like a girls' night at friends house, little bit of eating, little bit (or more than a little) of drinking. Your aunt tells people that she got a tatoo in a "private area" and says, "anyone want to see it" - then go from there. That's my opinion.

Your gut reaction (that was just what you thought - and didn't say anything to anybody about) is perfectly normal - that's why they call it a "gut reaction". Have I had those moments and then thought to myself - "that seems like a bias thought" - of course I have - everyone does. Now if you wouldn't have said don't do that in front of her - she's a lesbian and ...... that would be a "no-no", but you didn't. So, if anyone is "at fault", my opinion - poor judgment on your aunt showing the tatoo - not what you were thinking...

Response to Joan Eureka moment - Week 3

Joan --

You can't blame yourself -- everyone at one time or another gets preconceived feelings about a person. It might be an inflection in their voice. How well they speak or even from the clothes they wear. You can think that person lives in the Princeton area because they sound "snotty" or those jeans are dirty and ripped - they probably live in one of those run down apartments in Plainsboro. Appearances can be deceiving. The old adage that "you can't judge a book by it's cover is so true. Males and females can give off different vibes. There is a girl in the school I work in; she's a 4th grader, dresses always in pants and has short hair. She doesn't have a "feminine face" - I said to the child something or another on the playground and then said to one of the aides that boy is tall for a 45h grader. She informed me -- it was a girl. Thanks goodness I didn't say anything to the child!

Robin's Eureka moment Week 3I was having a discussion with some of the readings I was doing for this class with my son. I had already taken an Introdu

I was having a discussion with some of the readings I was doing for this class with my son. I had already taken an Introduction to Gender with Professor D'Angelo a couple of semesters' ago (and loved it) - him, not so much. Mind you, I would not consider myself a "feminist" - but I do have two girls and a boy (as I've mentioned before). I felt that I raised them - not gender neutral. I put dresses on my girls and pants on my boy. Saying that, I didn't buy weapons for either sex (I'm a former preschool teacher - don't believe in weapons - maybe water guns for outside fun at my house - not at school).

But when my son was "potty-training" years' ago, he saw this commercial for a doll who sat on a flushing toilet called "potty baby" and he wanted it. I think because he liked the sound of the flushing toilet. My husband at that time was appalled - "no son of mine was going to have a doll". Me, in my knowledge of children and toys, said, "he'll flush the toy toilet for a couple of weeks, get bored of the toy and that will be the end of it!" Which is exactly what happened!

Now, in 2009, that same son, who is planning on becoming a teacher, was saying that I was being bias in my thoughts about some Eureka moments I read in the blogs. I asked him how? He said, "you're just bad-mouthing guys". Again, "how". I explained that I couldn't think of any occupations that men weren't in the field of and not accepted (for the most part) and I could think of a number of occupations that women were not overly accepted in even in the year 2009.

So we had a debate, he said "teaching", and I said it wasn't that men weren't accepted, it was that men chose not to teach primary grades and yes there are few male teachers in grade K-5. I know in my own school - the only male teachers (except P.E. and Spanish) were general ed. in 4th grade. I used to work in a number of preschools and saw very few men. My son babysits - how many mothers do you think would hire a male babysitter? I don't see anything wrong in it - but I know a lot of my colleagues were surprised that my son babysits. Isn't that a stereotype against guy babysitters? When it came down to it - the only occupations I could think of that males are possibly stigmatized in are "stewards" on airplanes and nurses. I thought of a number of male dominated jobs, that women still have fight to work in, firefighters, police officers, military. I mentioned military to my son because I had heard that "no president wants to send a wife or mother home in a "body-bag" - but a son or husband it okay? What's with that?

Response to Tiffany's Eureka Week #3 moment

You are so right! There is a double standard when it comes to men "admiring" women vs. them finding "attributes" about men. What is the deal? Are they just insecure? That was it seems to me. Like if a you're with a guy in conversation - a pretty girl passes by (like in that I think reflecting phone commercial). And it's almost insulting when he gazes at her as she passes - when you remark and I have - the response is: "What I'm just looking - I'm not dead?" What is that suppose to mean. Now turn the tables - a girl does the same to good lucky guy and her "significant other" makes a comment - how would he react - to the girl saying what, I'm just admiring his ass! How do you think that would go over with the guy. Mmmmm, I think for most guys, not so good!